Regrets of a Warrior
by CloudS1
Summary: What's this? I actually wrote something serious? Yep, tis true. If you wanna find out what's in here, you'll just have to read. My first serious fic. Please R&R!!!


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Regrets of a Warrior

Pain…misery…anguish… They're nothing but emotions that run through our bodies just to feast on our misfortune… Humans that let themselves be controlled by them are weak… That…includes me too…

My name is a strange one. It's very uncommon in the world. However, I refuse to reveal myself at the moment. I am weak in ways that I have tried so hard to avoid. Since my childhood days, I have tried not to let my weakness show. It was a hard life, but then again, isn't everyone's? A harsh childhood may be just an excuse to catch a break in life, but does a guy like me really deserve a break?

It starts in a quiet village of Nibelheim. It was just an ordinary town in an ordinary region. Nothing special. However…it's special to me because it is, I mean, it was the only place I could ever call "home". I was just a normal boy with a strange name, trying to make the best of my life. I was only nine years of age, and already I was experiencing hardships with my family and friends. No…wait…I only experienced hardships with my family. I had no friends while growing up. 

If you must know, I was sort of the joke around the town. I was a boy with an attitude. It may sound like a cliché, but I used to get into fights very often with the local neighborhood kids. Why? I'll tell you why. Just because I was different than everybody else. Every afternoon, I would run errands for my mother, who was working hard to keep our house clean. My father wasn't around to help or to play with me. I heard many different rumors about my father. My mom said he went off to war and died an honorable man. Other people said that Dad was a coward who ran away to avoid taking care of us. It really didn't matter what Dad was. He wasn't here with mom and me, and that was all I really needed to know. No questions asked.

While running errands for my mother, Johnny, the neighborhood bully, would stop me in the middle of the village with his gang of "merry men". Feh…if anything, his cronies just wanted to look cool so they don't get picked on. It was the same with every bully's gang. Same old, same old… Johnny would always pick on me because of my name and looks. I didn't care. I knew that those who take the time to insult others have no lives of their own… I have his moves memorized right down to the introduction. He would usually walk right up to me and grab me by the collar of my shirt. He would usually spit some sort of threat like, "Today's the day…Spike…", and try to throw a punch at me. I would always tilt my head to the side to avoid the punch and send a right hook to his gut, sending him reeling to the ground. He would look up at me with the same shocked expression while saying, "H…H…How?!" All I could do was shake my head and continue the errands at the general store where I used to go every afternoon.

Despite the daily "beating", it was all worthwhile, because on my way home, I would pass by an angel that made her home in this little town. Her name was Tifa Lockhart. I used to smile at her from a distance, hoping that one day maybe she'd smile back at me. Unfortunately, I never did see her smile back at me when I was young. She was the only reason I took all the insults as nothing. I had a small crush on her. It's even hard for ME to believe that a cold boy like me could be capable of such an emotion, but yes. I did like her….a lot. I would always be in my room, doing nothing as usual. I would look out the window and wave to Tifa since she lived next door to me. For some reason, Tifa never waved back.

There was an accident that I will never forget. It happened two weeks after my tenth birthday. I wanted to go over to Tifa's house to ask her if maybe she wanted to play. She didn't even look at me, but her friends didn't even want me anywhere near her. I was a little angry, but I wouldn't show it in front of Tifa. They told me to leave before saying that they were going to explore Mt. Nibel. I followed them, desperate to talk to Tifa just once. Her friends didn't follow her across the bridge, but I did. She didn't know it, but I was right behind her. We reached the middle of the bridge before the ropes snapped. It was horrifying. Tifa and I fell a long way down. I was knocked unconscious for a while, as was Tifa. I had halfway regained my senses as I woke up, only to find some of the villagers, as well as Tifa's dad, around us. 

"How could you bring Tifa to a place like this?! This is all your fault!!!" Tifa's dad shouted. He picked up Tifa and ran back home while I was left on the ground with a somewhat shattered spirit. My mother soon came for me and took me home to recuperate. I was convinced that I seriously hurt the one that I care about. I vowed to make up for it somehow.

I was somewhat pathetic. I endured the same harsh treatment for a few more years before I came to a decision. I decided that there was only one thing to do to make Tifa notice me: Join SOLDIER and become the next Sephiroth. Sephiroth…oh how I loathe that name… I used to admire the man that was once called the greatest member of SOLDIER. Now I despise him. He was the reason I isolated myself from the rest of the world and acquired the cold, stubborn attitude I had when I had grown up. 

I would rather not talk about that despicable bloodthirsty maniac… My reason for getting into SOLDIER wasn't because I loved the military. Hell no. It was only so that maybe, just maybe Tifa would take even a short glance at me and smile. It seemed like strength was the only answer for me. I was fourteen at the time so I was qualified to try out for SOLDIER. I knew I would be gone for a while, so I decided to talk to her before I left.

One night, I had invited her to the well in the middle of the village. It was very cold and I cursed myself for not bringing a jacket. I was waiting for her to come for so long that I was already on my way home. After all, why would she want to talk to me? She had no reason to even accept. I had stood up and took a few steps towards my house when I heard a voice that made me feel very weak, in a positive sense, that is. I turned around and saw a figure that took my breath away. There she was. The angel next door. My angel. In a turquoise dress. I was amazed at how she could walk outside in the cold with such a dress. I shrugged that thought off and took a seat. 

"Hi Tifa," I said. All I heard her say was, "Hi." There was an awkward silence and I cursed myself for not being able to speak for so long. In the end, it was Tifa who broke the silence. "So…what was it you wanted to tell me?" she asked. I swung my legs around slowly. "I wanted to tell you that, well, I'm gonna join SOLDIER," I replied.  


"Really?"

"Yeah. I wanna be just like Sephiroth!"

"The great Sephiroth…"

I climbed up a ladder and leaned on the top of the well. The stars seemed to shine down on Tifa, only making her more beautiful than she already was.

"When will you be leaving?"

"We leave in a few days."

"Do you think you'll get your picture in the newspaper?"

"I hope so!"

"Before you leave, I want you to promise me something…"

"What is it?"

Then, she said something that was engraved into my mind for a long time…

"When I'm in trouble, my hero will come and save me."

"What?"

"I've always dreamed of that happening to me. If I ever get in trouble, you'll be there to save me, won't you?"

At that point, I would've broken my teenage arms just to save her from anything.

"Ok. I promise."

"Thanks. Oh! It's getting late! I better go home or Dad's gonna kill me!"

I frowned. I had no idea that it was so late. I still wanted to talk to Tifa a little while longer, but I knew it was impossible.

"Ok. Bye Tifa…"

"Bye!" She stood up, turned around, and walked home, leaving me alone to think for myself. It was at that point that I knew that I had a small chance with her.

Five days seemed to go by very quickly, despite the usual "beatings" from a now older Johnny. It was time for me to leave home and train in the Shinra military. My mother was crying, begging me not to go. I just shook my head and told her not to worry about anything. I told her that I would be back soon. She seemed to accept that as she just gave me a hug with a tear-stained face, and walked back inside the house. I ran a hand through my hair and took a last look around the village. I thought that maybe Tifa would see me off, but she was no where in sight. I frowned and climbed onto the truck that was headed to the military camp.

It's been seven years since I left home. It's also been five years since there was a horrible accident in my hometown. I would rather not go into that yet… I was just a cold mercenary hanging around the polluted metropolis of Midgar. It was ugly…no, not ugly. Ugly seems like a compliment for the disgusting city that's controlled by Shinra. I had no idea what I was thinking. I just didn't give a damn anymore. I didn't give a damn about Shinra. I didn't give a damn about the city. I didn't give a damn about people. I didn't give a damn about anything anymore… This soon changed when I met up with Tifa after so many years…

I still curse myself for acting like such a jerk towards her that day. If I didn't know any better, I think I made her cry when I met up with her again. Her little…er…big brute of a friend, Barret, seemed a bit angry with me for not caring. Grr…what did he know? Barret's cronies, Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie, "welcomed" me into their little group as if I was just another lost soul.

AVALANCHE. What a group… There was something strange about somebody in the group. Jessie seemed to act strange around me. Almost as if she liked me or something. What a weakness… I felt the same way for Tifa, but look where it got me. I'm a cold son of a b***h who doesn't care about another's life. I decided to help Barret's little group by destroying the mako reactor of the very company that taught me how to fight ruthlessly.

After many battles, which I had enjoyed very much, we reached the "core" of the reactor. Barret gave me a bomb to set on the ground. As I set the time, I felt a throbbing pain in my head, followed by a strange voice.

"Watch out! It's not just a reactor!"

I was wondering what the hell that was. I recovered and set the time for the bomb. Barret seemed a bit concerned, but, as usual, I just didn't care. I didn't need any help from anybody. As I stood up, I heard the alarm sound off, followed by the crashing of a mechanical freak of nature. The Guard Scorpion. We did managed to destroy it, despite the flesh-burning laser on it's tail. We ran the hell out of the reactor just as the bomb was going off. The mission was a success, but I didn't care whether we succeeded or failed. I just wanted to die as the uncaring man I was. I wanted to escape the world of emotions. However, my body and brain disobeyed me and led me out of the reactor.

I was told to meet up with Barret's group of merry men later. I just shrugged and wandered around the polluted city of Midgar. I bumped into a flower girl while several people were running around like scared rabbits. It was interesting. She was just walking around without a care in the world. After I apologized, which I as of today, I'm still wondering why I would even apologize to a complete stranger. I wouldn't give an apology to anybody. I talked with her for a while, yet another first for me. I also bought a flower from her. Cheap too. Just one gil. I'm wondering if she even makes a living with those prices. I didn't say anything except "Thanks", and walked away.

I ended up back at the bar where Tifa, Barret, and the rest were hiding out. I decided to be a nice guy again. Holy hell…what was wrong with me?! I gave Tifa the flower, forgetting about my cold exterior for a moment. I don't know what my problem was, but I was going to leave before I totally changed. You know, it's funny. I was going to escape a change, but the change found me five years ago…

Tifa stopped me from leaving by bringing back the promise we made back into my head. I felt so guilty, but at the same time, I didn't care. Once again, I think I managed to make Tifa cry a bit whether I liked it or not. After a long conversation with her and Barret, I decided to tag along in the next mission….for a price of course. Don't get me wrong, I still like Tifa, but when she makes me feel pain like that…the same emotional pain I felt as a child, I wasn't going to do things out of the goodness of my heart. I was going to do it just for the money.

Well, this was a fine mess I got myself into. After meeting with the bastard President Shinra, we fought against a techno-soldier that gave us a hard time. It exploded when it was defeated, leaving me literally hanging on as if it was getting its revenge only on me. I ignored Barret's words and just assured Tifa that I was going to make it. What confidence… I just fell down into the abyss and was knocked unconscious.

I heard weird voices inside my head while I was in my own little world of darkness. I couldn't make out what they said clearly, but I knew that they sounded familiar. I awoke to find the same flower girl I met, kneeling next to me, tending to my wounds. I was surprised. At myself, actually. I never accepted help from anybody, yet, here I was, letting some stranger take care of my wounds. I learned that her name was Aeris. I told her my own name, and talked, but we were interrupted by some Shinra goons that were after Aeris. I had earlier promised to be her bodyguard. Little did I know that the promise I made would haunt me to the very end…

We got away from the goons and made our way to her house. I don't exactly recall much of that night. Just that I met her mom and that I stayed over for a while. I sneaked out by order of Elmyra, Aeris's mother. I gladly accepted, not wanting to be bothered by strange changes in my feelings. It was starting to freak me out.

I had left the house early that night without Aeris towards Wall Market, where I had learned that Tifa was headed there. Before I was halfway there, Aeris was waiting for me with a smirk. I had to admit, sneaking up on me like that is not something a person can successfully do. She's got the makings of a member of SOLDIER.

What a day… First, I ended up dressing in drag just to save Tifa. That was the most humiliating thing I have ever done in my entire life. Second, I have to climb up several stories to save AVALANCHE's sorry @$$es. What a waste of time… All that came out of it was the abduction of Aeris and the fall of Sector 7. I didn't know the group well so I didn't have any tears to shed. Barret was another story. Whatever…I don't have time to cry over people I don't know. I don't even remember how to cry. Third, we invaded Shinra HQ just to find out that Sephiroth is a maniacal murderer and that he brought the freak of nature, Jenova, with him. We saved Aeris and met up with a lion/dog thing named Red XIII. What a surprise, it can talk. Lastly, we escaped the dirty, disgusting metropolis of Midgar and made our way into the real world. 

Once more, I'm subjected to endure more hardships by having other more people tag along with us. In one week, I've been through so many trails, I don't even want to talk about them… It would be a waste of time anyway. Like I actually care what towns we visit and what kind of people we meet… All I'm going to say is that we met some more weirdos. Eh…what the hell… I guess a little bit more detail wouldn't hurt.

We were ambushed by our newest "recruit", Yuffie Kisaragi. She said she's a ninja. Yeah right…and I'm Sephiroth. She seems more like a whiney little brat that works as a thief than a skilled ninja.

A strange ally joined us when we stopped by the Gold Saucer, the amusement park of this planet. Its name was Cait Sith. It was a cat that rode on a big moogle. I'm still wondering how a thing like that can be helpful in battle.

We discovered a creepy vampire-like man named Vincent Valentine that was locked up inside the Shinra mansion in my now permanently changed hometown of Nibelheim. He seemed to know Sephiroth very well so we just let him join us. Or rather…I let him join us. I don't know what the hell was wrong with me at the time.

We also met up with an old pilot named Cid Highwind. Cid Highwind… Where have I heard that name before…? Oh yeah, Now I remember. Cid Highwind was part of the space program that Shinra was supporting back when I was still in training.

I had a very weird night. I ended up going on a date with Aeris when we stopped to take a break at the Gold Saucer again. It was awkward, yet interesting. Considering she promised me a date in exchange for my protection, it was alright. What am I saying? It was great. I think I was changed for the better.

It was unforgettable. I had expected to do something like this with Tifa, but I was too scared to tell her how I felt when I was younger. Now I was just too cold to express my feelings. Aeris seemed to work her way around that when we enjoyed ourselves. I won her a prize at the Speed Square. A parasol. She seemed to like it a lot for it's practical use, despite that fact that a man that was next to me told me that the parasol was a dangerous weapon. I thought he was just crazy and ignored him.

We made our way to the Events Square. We didn't even take more than two steps inside when all of a sudden the usher told us that were the 100th couple to enter the Events Square. Aeris liked the door prize we were given. The prize was to take part in the play itself. Aeris was ecstatic, but I was a bit annoyed. I just went there to watch the play, not to be in it. Regardless of my feelings, we were taken backstage, not even given costumes. Thank god. I wouldn't be caught dead in a costume like those that the actors wore. I am fully aware that I had to use a costume a long time ago for a "mission", but that time, I had no choice.

The play ran smoothly, despite that I messed up on some of the lines. Acting was never my strong point. An evil dragon, or EDK, took some princess captive and I had to save her. I was given a final decision: kiss the dragon, or kiss the princess (Aeris). I shrugged and used my common sense while thinking that this was such a stupid question. 

I kneeled down front of Aeris, took her hand, and gently kissed it, feeling somewhat warm all over. What the hell was up with that?!?! I have no idea what was wrong with me, but I didn't have time to find out as the crowd cheered when the dragon was "vanquished". The dragon, or EDK, was lifted up with a rope and disappeared from the scene. Aeris talked to me in a way I have never heard anyone talk before. Not even Tifa. It felt…strange. It was intriguing, yet, it felt so right at the same time. I don't know. 

After that, Aeris suggested the gondola. We just strolled in and took a free ride. I just sat there with my arms crossed, trying to figure out what was up with my sudden change of attitude. Aeris was busy enjoying the view and the fantastic colors of the fireworks and balloons that were in the sky. After a while, Aeris turned her head and was staring at me. I didn't noticed until I lifted my head up to say something. 

It was at that moment that I had lost my senses because I ended up staring into Aeris's eyes. Aeris noticed and said something that was burned into my mind.

"I want to meet you"

"But…I'm already here."

"No…I want to meet…_you_…"

I was trying to figure out what she meant, but I lost my train of thought when she leaned over and kissed me. I must admit, this was kind of new for me since I had never really been in a relationship before. I had always thought my first kiss would be with Tifa, but I was wrong. Actually, I never thought that Aeris had any interest in me whatsoever. Same thing with me. It's funny how things like this sneak up on you. 

I kissed back with a sudden new burst of emotion that surprised Aeris, as well as myself. She just wrapped her arms around my neck as I put my hands on her waist. The fireworks that exploded in the sky seemed to have gotten brighter, as if they were providing a dazzling display of lights just for us.

I was disappointed that the gondola ride was over. Aeris felt the same way. I could easily tell. Heh, of course I could… This might have been a little sudden, but at this point, I realized that I didn't only like Aeris…I also loved her.

This…was…NOT a good day… I found out that Cait Sith had betrayed us by giving an important item to the enemy. We were supposed to go to the Temple of the Ancients with a new priority. To protect the Black Materia from the bloodthirsty, sadistic, murderous Sephiroth.

We managed to enter the temple, regardless of Cait Sith's betrayal. We explored the temple for many hours, following many twisted turns in an area that looked like a painting. Nothing but stairs surrounded us. A hint was soon given to us by an old codger that can't talk. He seemed like an Ancient, but I wasn't sure. Aeris could tell since she herself was an Ancient, or Cetra, as she liked to call them. 

Making our way past several traps, we came across a large room with a mural of the past. We learned that a tremendous meteor would drop down from the sky to deliver the wrath of hell that was once summoned by the "crisis from the sky". Sephiroth seemed to know too, since he appeared in front of us and started explaining his so-called "master plan". I couldn't take it anymore. I just wanted to kill him right then and there for the pain he put me through while I was in training. What kind of pain, you ask? I'd rather not talk about it… It brings a pain to my heart like a death of a thousand knives.

When Sephiroth shut his mouth, he disappeared, but he left a surprise for us. An encounter with a Red Dragon had begun, but it was easily disposed of, thanks to Aeris's healing abilities and my sword techniques.

We learned that in order to acquire the Black Materia, an individual must solve several riddles inside the temple. However, the temple would shrink as each riddle was solved, forming the Black Materia. Seems like the Ancients didn't want the individual to come back alive. Cait Sith happily volunteered to do it. Interesting. Sacrificing yourself for the good of your team. How very noble. At least, that's what I thought until I found out that Cait Sith is just one out of many copies.

Cait Sith gave us directions to leave, but we were stopped by Demon's Gate, the guardian of the temple. It was a tough battle that nearly cost us our lives, but we managed to defeat the demon in the walls. We escaped while Cait Sith stayed inside to solve the riddles. The temple shrank to nothing. Some of us were mourning the loss, forgetting that Cait Sith was just one of other copies.

When the temple disappeared, I peered into the large crater left behind, only to find the object of Sephiroth's obsession. The Black Materia. I was about to keep it in my pouch, but I suddenly had another throbbing headache. I knew it was Sephiroth, but I couldn't do anything! He…He controlled me… Like his little puppet. As a result, I gave him the Black Materia and proceeded to attack the one I loved. When Sephiroth disappeared, I had regained my senses, only to fall unconscious while Aeris lay there, injured and bleeding all because of me…her bodyguard…

I had a surreal dream of Aeris that same day. Aeris said she would deal with Sephiroth her own way. However, Sephiroth was on to her and vowed to use me again. I awoke to find Tifa and Barret at my side. I told them about the dream and the place that Aeris was headed. We rode towards a small town called Bone Village. It was a tiny town of excavators and diggers. We hired them to look for an object called the Lunar Harp. I had no idea how I knew about it. I figured it must've come to me in the dream.

While the excavators searched for it, I dreamt about Aeris. My god, I never felt this way before. I thought I felt this way for Tifa when I was younger, but this feeling surpassed the simple childhood crush. It was official. Aeris got past my cold exterior and reached my sensitive side. I loved her so much… I couldn't let anything happen to her! I was determined to be by her side as her bodyguard…

We acquired the Lunar Harp the next morning. I held it in my hands and entered the Sleeping Forest that led to the City of the Ancients, where Aeris was headed. The Sleeping Forest allowed us to enter. I thanked God that I was being led to the only one that I ever loved.

A few kilometers later, we entered the City of the Ancients. It was deserted so we decided to have a look around. I entered a building and saw the statue of a fish in front of what looked like an invisible well. I wondered what it was for, but I shrugged and exited the building. Tifa called out for me that there was a place we could rest in. I thanked her and called Barret, who was in another building. There, we lay down on our beds and entered a peaceful slumber.

I once again dreamt about Aeris, but it was impossible for me to do that. Why? Because I couldn't sleep at all. I heard Aeris call out to me. I slowly got out of bed and walked out of the building. As if hypnotized, I walked into the building with the fish statue. Unknown to me, Tifa and Barret had followed me here and made their presence known by calling me. I awoke from my trance and told them to follow me. I walked to where the fish used to be, since it mysteriously disappeared. I discovered that the fish was actually hiding a crystallized staircase.

We made our way down the staircase, taking a note of the amazing surroundings. There were many pillars made of crystal. Each pillar was shining brightly, reflecting the divine rays of light that hit them. The walls were also crystallized, but they were in a dark hue of blue. When we reached the end of the staircase, I noticed a familiar pink figure on an alter. I immediately recognized who it was and ordered the others to stay back.

I jumped onto the steps that were in the lake that surrounded the high alter. With great agility, I jumped onto the steps, one by one, and jumped onto the alter where my love awaits. I saw her, kneeling in front of me, locked in a silent prayer. I was about to say her name, but I suddenly got the all too familiar headache. I held my head and knelt down before recovering. Without even thinking, I unsheathed my Buster Sword, raised it over my head, and prepared to slice my one true love in half. As I brought my weapon down, I heard Tifa's voice calling me. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Upon hearing that, I dropped my weapon in shock as it landed on the cold floor. I put my hands to my head and tried to speak. "W…W…What are you…making me…do…?!"

It was at that moment that I felt a dark presence in the area. I looked at Aeris to see if she felt it. She just lifted her head and looked into my eyes, smiling. Before I could do anything, Sephiroth came down with his sword drawn, and stabbed my only love in the back. His cold blade met with Aeris's warm, soft flesh. I couldn't believe it… It couldn't be real! IT COULDN'T BE!!! Sephiroth slowly pulled his weapon out of Aeris's back trying to inflict as much pain as possible. Her form grew limp as the white materia in her ribbon came loose and bounced onto the marble floor. It bounced a few times before taking it's final intake of light, and falling into the lake. It sank into the deep waters, never to be seen again.

Before Aeris's body could fall to the ground, I dove for her on my knees and held her form in my arms, shaking her, not believing what just transpired. "No…Aeris…This can't be real!!!", I exclaimed. Sephiroth just laughed as if it was nothing but a big joke…that…bastard… He just rambled on about his master plan to merge with the planet. I didn't give a damn what he wanted. My one love…no…my ONLY love…was gone. Taken from me by the maniac that stood before me. Sephiroth soon took note of my sudden expressions of my emotions. "Hahahaha…why are you sad? Don't pretend that you are even capable of emotions because you're not…" he mocked. All I could do is look at him with a hateful glance. "What?" I asked. Sephiroth wore a menacing smile and said, "Because you…are…"

Before he could finish, he let loose a monstrous demon that we had to deal with. I recognized it right away as the alien being, Jenova. It attacked with every water attack it could possibly use. Tifa and Barret were knocked out. Luckily for me, I was wearing a Water Ring so Jenova's attacks couldn't hurt me. With my anger at peak, I unleashed my Limit Break, Meteorain. I focused my energy into my sword and jumped into the air. I swung my weapon downwards as several meteorites were summoned and went crashing down onto Jenova. Jenova screamed in pain before vanishing in a display of red, mystifying light.

Before Jenova vanished with Sephiroth, it seemed to finish his sentence. "Because…you…are…a…puppet…" I was suddenly filled with a feeling of doubt in myself as I heard that. "A…puppet?"

With Sephiroth and Jenova gone for now, we decided to pay our last respects to a very dear friend…and my loved one… Barret kneeled down in front of Aeris and said a few words. He was very kind in his choice of words as he stood up and made his way back towards the staircase. Tifa, almost being the optimistic one, took one look at Aeris's body and burst into tears. She quickly tried to cover it up, but she failed and just ran off, following Barret. I couldn't blame her though. I would've broken down crying like she was, had I lived a normal life.

I picked up her body and slowly made my way back towards the others, knowing what I had to do. I carefully followed Tifa and Barret up the stairs. And made my way down the center road of the City of the Ancients. I had never seen this part of the city myself, but in my mind, this place just appeared. I walked into the dark area with a solemn expression until the area itself lit up as if by magic. I walked towards a lake that was next to me. I slowly walked into the lake, not caring whether the cold water was hurting my skin. Physical pain doesn't matter whey your heart is sharing all the pain in the world with you.

I was almost halfway into the lake when I realized it was time. I gave Aeris one last kiss on her lips. They were still warm… I whisered into her ear, knowing she can't hear me, "I love you Aeris…I always will…" I slowly let her go and watched her sink into the water. I was shaking when she disappeared from my view. I slowly walked back to the shore, shaking violently. I couldn't take it anymore… I dropped down to my knees and punched the ground in rage while tears that have yet to be seen in seven years have finally emerged. "…W….W….Why…? W…WHY?!?!" I had lost all sense of understanding as I looked at the sky. "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

All of the rage and hate in my heart had found itself and had decided to come out. I couldn't take it anymore! Why did this happen to me?! I finally found the happiness I was looking for as a child!!! I finally found a purpose in life!!! Without Aeris, I'm nothing!!! NOTHING!!! I PROMISED TO PROTECT HER AND I FAILED!!!! I'M A LOSER!!!! NOTHING!!! I'M NOTHING AT ALL WITHOUT HER!!! 

"AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I had been wallowing in my own self-pity when Tifa came after me. "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!! I DON'T NEED ANYHELP!!!!" I was hysterical…I was screaming while trying so hard to control my sobs of pain. "GET OUT!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!! I DON'T NEED ANYBODY'S HELP!!!!!!!! LEAVE----ME----ALOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!!!"

I had no idea how much I hurt her right then and there, but I didn't care… My only love was gone. Gone forever. I just wanted to be alone. By myself…like I used to be before I met the angel that had changed my life forever… I failed her… I promised to be her bodyguard… Instead, she was killed right in front of me… I can't help anybody, not even myself. I'm weak… I let Sephiroth control me… Aeris…please forgive me… I love you and I always will… I hope you can rest in peace…from your love, Cloud Strife…

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I figure the disclaimer should go here, since it wouldn't fit with the mood of this little tale. FFVII and its characters do not belong to me whatsoever. 

AUTHOR'S NOTES II: This is the result of a small hint of depression on a Friday night. * Coughs* Please R&R! If not, then just send your comments to Cloud_S_@excite.com. This would be my first non-humor fic, so….be gentle? Please?


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